What brings couples into couples counselling?

Couples sometimes seek couples counselling because they fear that their relationship in going to end. Other times, couples come in to couples counselling with a specific issue or crisis that they need professional support in dealing with. There are a variety of issues that can effectively be addressed through couples counselling, including:

• Unhealthy communication
• Inability to work through conflict effectively
• Anger management issues
• Infidelity/Flirting
• Family and in-law struggles
• Infertility
• Step family issues
• Money and finances
• Gender roles
• Cultural differences
• Empty nest struggles
• Religious differences
• Different values
• Parenting
• Intimacy/sexual issues
• Stress after a baby
• Separation/divorce

Relationships don’t typically fall apart overnight. Usually, relationships begin to crumble a little at a time, over a period of time.

Here are some early signs that your relationship may be in trouble:

• Your partner is not your priority
• Decrease in sexual desire and activity with your partner
• Breakdown in communication
• Building of resentment and contempt
• Lack of desire to spend time together
• One or both of you are having an affair
• Bringing up old arguments, disappointments, and hurts

I will work with you to:

• Develop better communication skills
• Learn how to effectively handle conflict with research-proven techniques
• Recognize the cause and effect patterns in your relationship
• Learn how to work through your problems without blaming each other

How do you bring up couples counselling with your partner?

• Choose the right time. Don’t bring up couples counselling in a moment of anger or in haste. Make sure you’re feeling calm and also that your partner is relaxed. Find a time that is quiet, private, and not rushed.
• Don’t drink and don’t bring it up when your partner has been drinking. It’s tempting to have a glass of wine or a drink to relax yourself (or your partner) before bringing up something that may cause you some anxiety or stress, but it’s not a good idea. Tempers can flare under the influence of alcohol and alcohol can lead to miscommunication.
• Start the conversation on a positive or hopeful note. Begin the conversation by talking about something that is going well or something that your partner is doing well, or by telling your partner that you want your relationship to work.
• Clearly tell your partner that you are not blaming your partner for your relationship issues. Tell your partner that you accept your share of the responsibility and that you BOTH need some help in improving your communication and better understanding each other.
• If your partner is resistant to the idea of couples counselling, continue to remain calm and empathic, and ask your partner what s/he is most worried about. Listen to your partner and do not argue.
• If your partner agrees to couples counselling, ask if s/he wishes for you to make the initial consultation appointment – no strings attached. Select a date/time when you will both feel the most relaxed.